One Milestone in Dance

2.9.17 was BTO4 (Bring Them Out 4). I was interested but knowing myself I would probably not sign up for it. But then a friend of mine signed me up for it, it was kinda forced but then again if I didn't decide to accept it I wouldn't have stood in that ring no matter how many times he signs me up.

How I ended up in this even was because of the meetup with CL just a few weeks before the event. 3 months ago I told him that I will quit Legacy for a while so that I would have the chance to explore the dance that I like more. What I had in mind then was exploring freestyles and how to play with the music etc. I wanted to upgrade myself. But then my job required me to fly to Shanghai once every two weeks for two weeks (sometimes I had to fly off again after just a week back in Singapore), so end up everytime when I come back I feel really rusty. All the classes that I went to was just enough to get myself back in shape, before I had to fly off again. Where got time to explore?? This cycle repeats. So when I met up with CL, he asked me how was my "exploration"? It's already been 2 months since I left Legacy then. All I could do was to give him a guilty laugh.

"I knew it!" That was all he said and immediately took out his phone and signed me up for BTO4. It might be surprising for some of you that how could he help me to fill up the registration form, did it not require personal particulars? Well ... This friend of mine just so happened to be my insurance agent .. Haha ..

But bear in mind that if I refused to pay the registration fee, there was no way he could force me to participate too, so I guess I did wanna try it out deep down. 人就是犯賤。I need that little push. Honestly, I didn't regret taking part!

For a very short while, I did think that perhaps I could make it through the audition haha. But nopeeee that's reality for meeeeee! A lil bit disappointed at first, but then again I know I am still not up to standard, and not making it through the audition allows me another chance to take part in this amateur category again next year!

The audition was supposed to be 2 by 2 but #48 (I was #47) didn't turn up so I had to do a solo audition .. oh man as if auditioning itself was not stressful enough haha. From the video, I could tell that I panicked the moment I stepped into the ring and didn't manage to keep my cool throughout haha. And there are so many things that I have to work on! (Can I do something about my legsssss?)

My friends told me that I did improve though. Hopefully .. Hmm comparing to my other freestyles/battles, I guess so haha which sorta gave me a little bit of ego boost in a good way (or confidence boost sounds more proper?). **omg I found the word! It's called morale boost!**

The experience that day was indeed marvelous lah! Always in awe with how the zaikia play with the music as if they own it, and how the same music can be interpreted so differently by different dancers!

This virgin open battle experience is indeed a big leap for me in my dance journey. Wish for more to come (Really? Are you [Am I] sure? Hopefully? For the experience?)! And it's really time to RnR->U (Review and Reflect then Upgrade) XD

Have faith in the choice you made

I think this is not the first time I whine over how much I missed badminton, how much I thought I would have regret giving up badminton, and how much I could have achieved if I were to continue playing badminton.

It's been about 5 years since I sealed my rackets away and picked up Hip Hop. But this never stops to make me feel "something" in my chest whenever I see my friends who are still striving in their badminton journeys. For some of them, I could literally say that I watched them growing up since they were in Sec 1 and now they are already such big boys. I said "something" because I don't exactly know what is that feeling. Jealous? Pride (being proud of them who are still pursuing in badminton)? Or regret?

I think, deep down, I still have my pride as a sportsman, as a badminton player, inside of me. I understand how much effort they have to put in to fight till this date! How much they train together, support each other, and never let each other give up midway. The fact that some of them persevere to this age indirectly show their tenacity in achieving what they want in life. I am always touched towards this kind of thing, for I know the value of hardwork and perseverance, given that I used to be such kind of player too. Well, that was before I decided to quit anyway.

I have always wanted to tell people that "Hey, I was part of y'all too!" Part of that elite human called sportsmen, under the territory called "badminton". But I guess I have already lost my place in that the very moment I decided to seal my prideful weapons away. One thing I regret in my badminton life was perhaps that I didn't manage to fully grasp the idea of camaraderie. For long 6 years in the Perak team, individualism was the most prominent. Though we called ourselves the state team, it was more like a group made up of individuals possessing individual ideas of winning and moving forward. True that we were proud when our teammates win, or when our state got the most number of gold, but ultimately if you lose your match, you're gonna be the only one left behind, while others continue to move forward. This was just how I was brought up in my life of badminton. After I came to Singapore, for the first time I experienced the team games. If you lose, you might cause the whole team to lose, every match counts (not saying that there is no team match in Malaysia, I was just saying that I had never participated in one). But I think the 4 years in Sec school and JC was not enough to fully make me understand the power of camaraderie, something that I only started thinking about after I entered uni .. after I gave up on probably the only thing that I would proudly say that I was good at. It was so wasted.. believe me when I said that I let go of way too many opportunities.. Now I think about it, it was also about keeping the friendship that I made during my glorious badminton years. I am such a socially awkward person :(

Sometimes, I would still think that I should have continued badminton. But ... the moment I decided to further my studies in Singapore, it was as good as putting a death sentence on my badminton career, unless I were to become a citizen (which was not an option at that point of time, and probably never gonna (?)). I continued till JC because I could still take part in higher level competitions like ASG as a foreigner. When I finally moved on to uni, I couldn't represent Singapore in such competitions like AUG anymore as a foreigner. There is no longer any goal in badminton for me to aim for, there is no longer anything to keep me moving forward anymore. So, wouldn't it be best to move on to something else? .. If I were to stay in Malaysia, true, perhaps I might still be playing badminton, but I would not have experienced all the wonderful things that I did after I came to Singapore.

Kelly once told me that, I have made the choice, what has passed is in the past, I need to keep looking forward. Have some faith in the choice that I made for myself, trust myself that my choice is for the best of me, and stick with it throughout. Don't think backwards, like what I am doing right now, because it won't change anything that has already happened, but it will hinder me from achieving the most out of my future.

Word.

Just wanna say that, sometimes I do miss the team that I spent 4 years with. I missed the training and competitions when we sweat together, fight together, cheer together and get scolded together. And I missed friends that I made throughout my badminton journey..

Ahhh looked through all the photos that I kept, realised I don't have photos of everyone. Many photos were taken but none could properly represent those days .. :/