Changchun OIP 2010

It's been quite a while since I last blogged. Laziness had crept on to me since the last few months and I just didn't feel like getting my fingers on to the keyboard.

Last month, I went for my second OIP trip in my second year in RI (I was lucky). This time I managed to fly out of the Southeast Asia and to Changchun, China. I was so excited because that was my very first time seeing snow, REAL snow!! I couldn't believe that I actually walked on the snow,grabbing it in my almost frozen hands after being 17 years living in tropical countries which the temperature never go below 20 degree Celcius!

We had home-stay with 3 different buddies (normally we only have one buddy but this time round too many students from JDFZ wanted to host us so we were assigned 3 buddies) and they are really hospitable, especially their parents who really treated us as if we were their sons.

Through the interaction with them, I managed to explore more deeply into the Chinese culture. I got to know about the origin of the Chinese dumplings and their significance during Chinese New Year. But afterall, what excited me the most was still the SNOW!!!!


More great friends too :)

I have more photos on my facebook, pls visit:

part 1: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?id=1627785409&aid=75828

part 2: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?id=1627785409&aid=75852

part 3: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?id=1627785409&aid=75864

Students from The Dalton School

The US girls were coming! Mr Paul asked me whether I wanted to be their host. Of course, I gladly accepted this offer. I was scared at first because of my low-standard of English proficiency. I was scared that I couldn't communicate with them. Well, ya know, the American accent is sometimes quite difficult for me to understand.

These three girls are of three totally different personalities: Annelise - the most out-going; Mei-Lan - more to the reserved side; and Nora - somewhere in between.

Annelise is the "hottest" (what my friends all said and I agree :)) and this let her to be the most popular one in school. I heard from my friend, who was the buddy of Annelise, that when she walked past the windows, all the boys rushed to the windows and stared at her. =.=

On the first day of their visit to our school, I brought Mei-Lan to my class and my classmates kept asking why am I so stupid (for not bringing the "angmo" one). sigh...... I felt bad for Mei-Lan because she is from the US too but the students treated them so differently. Well, no matter what she is still an Asian (what they called ABC - American born Chinese). The students were already used to this kind of girls, that's why they reacted like that.

Anyway, an idea suddenly popped into my mind: since there were only three girls, perhaps we could switch buddies! (Thursday and Friday - I would bring Mei-Lan; Monday and Tuesday - I would bring Annelise; and Thursday - I would bring Nora) I shared this idea with Subhankar and Haohang. Haohang was fine with this but Subhankar seemed reluctant as he thought that the girls should be following our lessons so it was not wise to switch buddies. I also asked for the girls' opinions on this idea and all of them thought that this was great. And this was settled then.

Aiya, don't care about detail la. Just need to know that we had great fun. Hope to see them again!

is that a regret?

Wow! It is already mid-July and the 2nd ASEAN School Games has started. Well, at first I thought I would enjoy the trip back to Malaysia, you know, being able to meet friends from the badminton team.. Aix my friends are just being very unfortunate. Jason Loo is supposed to be in the team but somehow due to *u knw la* he was not even invited to the selection. Wan Ran is not taking part because her partner has quited badminton... haiz..

Somehow, seeing the BJ players, some kind of weird feeling arises inside me. What is it? I can't really tell. Do I still mind the "tragedy" that I was not chosen into BJSS? Am I still thinking that if I went for the selection I would definitely be selected? It is just so weird that as a Malaysian, I am not even in the Malaysia team but in a foreign and lousy team. Well, if not because the team is so lousy, would I be able to represent the country? Just because of this that I am able to take part in international tournament. But this isn't good because there wont be any result. I am just not good enough to represent my own country..

Since last year Cheers International, I had told myself to train hard so can play as good as the national players. But now 7 months have passed and I didn't improve but even deteriorated. You might say that I didn't train hard, but the fact is a good coach is needed for improvement on the player's side. This is something Singapore does not have, sadly.

This remind me of something else. What the heck was Zambri thinking when he confiscated the invitation letters sent from BJSS? I think many of us in the Perak team could join BJSS players but this golden opportunity was abolished by his foolish act. He didn't just keep the letters away from us but even told the BJSS coaches that we were not interested. He did this because he was scared that if we were to join BJSS then there wouldn't be any more players in the Perak team. This was the most stupid thing I have heard in my life. But reaching deep inside my heart, if the letters were not confiscated, would I be joining BJSS? When I have chosen my path when I was in Secondary school?

Do I feel regretful for choosing the path of studying instead of continuing my badminton career as a national player? I don't know and I don't want to think about this ever again.

compliment, is not necessarily an incentive

A few days back, I received a call from my mom. She told me something that I had never expected. "Last week I brought Ah Yang to Taiping for a tournament, then sa yi they all met Ah Foo coach at the hall. He said only Taiping-eans can take part in the tournament so Ah Yang cannot play. Then suddenly he said, 'Ooh! Zheng Yuan arh? I know him. He is such a good and hardworking boy. Never curi ayam during training...' Somemore, that day Jason said to Ah Yang, 'Haiz... I thought you will be as hardworking as your dai lou, but who knows you are so lazy...' See? How good you are, people got eyes see geh..."

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Wow... This was really something that I had never expected to hear. Everytime I thought I am just an ordinary person. No one would ever remember what I have done, how much effort I have put in. I thought other people would just know that "he deserves this... this is his responsibility to be hardworking..." blah... blah... blah... But what my mom told me the other day, made me realise that whatever you do, whatever effort you have put in, other people would know.. My efforts are not to no avail. I especially like what my mom said: "How good you are, people got eyes see geh..." :) I felt really touched when I heard this.

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However, I always heard that compliments are a form of incentives. I hope this is true ( I mean this IS true, but it cannot be applied in every occasion). After I heard that, I did feel the urge to continue training, to become better, and to let them know that even though I am no longer in the Perak team, I am still the hardworking boy they know. However, this time, the mystical power of compliment does not seem to last long.....

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Today, I went for the combined school training. Before the training, Jey-Sng asked me whether I will be joining badminton next year. If both me and Kern Hong join, then he will continue. Otherwise, he will quit. At first, I thought he had this idea because if we join, there will be a bigger chance to produce good result. But I was wrong. He said he just want something to be complete. The team will not be complete without the presence of two of us. Anyway, his question had dug the confusing question mark out of the darkest depth inside my heart: should I join badminton next year? Well, I was thinking perhaps I should join because badminton is something that give me my identity. Everyone in school knows that I am good in badminton. Perhaps the coach does screw the whole training atmosphere up, but why shall I bother about it? What's more, if I quit badminton, what esle can I join? Other people are not only good in a thing, but I am only good in badminton! Other than badminton, I know nothing. Everytime when I think until here, somehow I feel that I am pretty a failure: I have the thought to abandon something I am good at and if this happens, I am nobody......

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I think I have deviated too far from the main point: why does the mystical power of compliment not work? Well... I am not sure why, honestly. As I said, I went for the time-wasting training today. Although I have the thought of "Just join lo. I don't have to bother about the coach, just do whatever I want lo.." but when I finally returned to the court, the place that USED TO belong to me, I realised that something had long been missing. That something had been a target, a goal that pushed me forward, enticed me to achieve what I want. But today, I felt so lonely, my heart felt so empty. That something had abandoned me after I had the thought of abandoning it. The absence of that something, as Jey-Sng said "fire", reminded me that I no longer have the urge to continue badminton. So, am I still going to continue my hope-long-lost badminton career in RJ? I am still finding my direction in the mist, hopefully, with help......

a thought from RInspire

just got the new version of RInspire today. everything was fine... til i turned to the section of "Rafflesians Celebrate".

this section records the glory and victory of CCAs brought to the school. of course i was happy with the effort made by the editors to record all these pleasant experience down, despite there was a little bit of sadness in my heart, firstly because badminton did not have the opportunity to post something ;) and secondly i failed to fulfill the goal that i have set for the team at the beginning of the year.

"Balls of Fury", written by my friend, was the main reason that i started emoing. table tennis team B div has not been clinching gold in the nationals in six years and finally this year they managed to grab it. same goes for badminton, we have not been champion for N years, this year we had a really good chance to get the gold, but still, it just slipped away from my fingertips. furthermore, table tennis team had achieved their first double golds in history! we could too! with C div getting champion in the nationals this year, we could achieve our double golds too! somehow, the trophy is just not painted gold...

"touched by the unwavering support, we picked ourselves up, thoroughly refreshed." their team was inspired by the support of Rafflesians and managed to turn around the undesirable situation. but i couldn't see this during our finals! with the downfall of the first match, i sensed that the fire within our hearts diminished following the result. everyone was just so disheartened. me is no an exception. no matter how the supporters cheered for us, the fire just wouldn't be rekindled.

i think partly i was because i did not really carry out my role as a captain. i should boost the team up, telling them that we hadn't lost yet, we could still fight! i wanted to see the spirit, the fire burning in their eyes! somehow, i just didn't... even the pillar of the team was demoralised, how do i expect the team not to be demoralised? really... i should have boosted up their spirit when they needed this the most....

during recess, i met Yi Zhu (not sure if spelling is correct) at the corridor. this guy is so small, but he has the heart, the ability to command, the ability to inspire other people. how does he do that?

i realised that people just like... pokemon ! (!! =.= i am sorry, i know its weird and absurd to use this analogy but...) we all have our own abilities. for other people, they may possess the ability to command, to encourage, to inspire with instance effect. meaning they are able to inspire people on the grounds (err... get it?). for me, its different. i am not sure i possess the ability to inspire. even if i do, it would be a very slow process and passive. i can only inspire people through being an example, slowly influencing other people. this is all due to my fault. i am just too shy to give inspirational talks, or anything touching, in front of people. for the instance when our first singles lost, i just couldn't jump down and say, "Hey people! cheer up! we haven't lost yet. we still have first doubles, 2nd singles and 2nd doubles! no one can tell who is victorious before we fight! no matter what, give your teammates your full support!" although i do hope that i can speak like this someday, i just didn't have the gut to do it.

Raffles All-Round Excellence Award Interview (Headmaster's honour list)

whew! finally the interview was over!! i've never realised that people have to go for an interview in order to get an award...

i only knew about this interview one day before the day itself. i was so nervous that my stomach was not feeling so well since this morning. i kept asking my friend, who was interviewed yesterday, on msn about what kind of questions did mr eng ask.

"questions like.... he will give u a situation and see how are u going to handle it..."

"lol and the standard questions like 'why do u think u deserve this award'..." haha i was well prepared for this question. i planned to answer like this: "this award recognises student's achievement in academic study, CCAs, leadership and character, and service to community. at first, i don't think i deserve this award. because there are many people who excel in these areas. but now, i think that i deserve this award. because, even though my academic result is not really outstanding, at least i am able to maintain the GPA of most of the subjects at 3.6 or above; in my CCA, which is badminton, i was the champion of the national individual last year and 2nd runner-up for this year. i also represented Singapore for ASEAN school games in Thailand which the team came in third. i also hold leadership positions. i was a treasurer last year and a monitor this year, i am also a psl and the captain of the badminton team, which i believe that i have fulfilled my responsibilities. thats why i think i deserve it."

but too bad, mr eng didnt ask this question when he interviewed me... haha

by the way, i thought the interview should be one on one, as what my friend said. but i think it just happened that mr eng and mr yap were having a meeting with someone before my interview, mr yap also stayed there for my interview, so that was two on one.

oh god! during the interview, my lips and throat was super dry. i guess this is what happen when u are too nervous. oh shit! it made me kinda stutter. it was not because i was nervous really.. eh... but honestly, before the interview i was damn nervous, my heart was beating so fast as if it was going to pop out. but when i went into the office and faced the two interviewer, somehow i was kinda calm... hmm.. not bad ya haha

but anyway, i think even if i didnt stutter i also can barely get the award. i heard from one of my friends, there are only three places for this award each level. SEX and Naishad were the awardees for two consecutive years, they of course have the biggest percentage to be awarded again. and the last one will most probably be Phang Wei Han. even if he will not be the last one, the chance of me getting this award is nearly zero. there are so many people better than me, see....

anyway, it does not matter whether i get this award. i just know that the interview is over. i am free again!!!!!!!!

am I qualified as a leader?

No

i have taken up so many responsibilities as a captain, a monitor blah blah blah... hoping that i can grow. but after all this time i have been through, i realised that i am still nothing but a useless person with only the names of the positions pressing on my shoulders.

when i was appointed as the captain of RIBT, i said that i want to help the juniors. but when i look back, what have i done? nothing i guess. what kind of help have i rendered to my juniors? none. have i really carried out my responsibility? no. under my lead, the spirit of the team has become much much worse than last year's. team spirit was never seen since the beginning of the year (i guess?). when i was appointed as the captain, i was hoped to be the morale booster for the team. but seeing from the current situation, i think i am just a useless wimp. i feel really really sorry for the team. i guess if keat kee was to be the captain, the situation would be much much better.

same goes to the role i play in class. monitor is just a name, nothing else. i cant control the class, cant gain respect from some of the classmates, can hardly make announcement in front of the class, cant get their attention while conducting class discussion............ what can i do? i cant even carry out these easy stuff. i am just a wimp. i wonder why mr kwa thinks that i can be the monitor? because of my excellence performance as a treasurer last year? he is damn damn wrong man...

although i do hope to be a good leader, but the laziness inside me has screw the whole thing up... now, i feel nothing but just a deep regret and apology.