Courage, Change, Throw Face, Bruises

Look at those bruises on my knee! I recently got into a fight with someone at the club. I was just walking around when this guy bumped into me. Under the influence of alcohol, I did something that I never knew I would have ever done ...

Nah I am just kidding. Recently we had student choreographer audition and we were only given a few days to prepare. On top of that, it is holidays and most people flew off as soon as school term ended. The potential student choreographers had a hard time looking for dancers who can learn fast and dance to their choreography during the audition. End up the choreographers were helping each other with their audition on top of choreographing their own piece. I got the bruises from my own piece (because of the rolling on the floor) and from Pris's (because of some of the floor work). Bad.

I would say I was rather proud of myself? I only had one day before the audition to come out with a 1min choreography together with Cheuk. And we did it! Wouldn't say that our choreo brought out the theme (which is supposed to be Depression, Marcus did say that it didn't bring out the theme too ..), but it was nice nonetheless and we really love it! Cheuk and I planned to make a video with this choreo (like finally! after one term ago when we said we wanted to make videos of our dances). Check out half of the dance during the audition here and one of our prac below.

Oh and I would never forget my response to Pris. Before the audition, we were saying that we had to feel the depression, and Pris was saying "imagine your heartbreak moment". And I responded "I don't have a heartbreak moment, I also have a break-heart moment". Oooops.

Ok let's rewind all the way back to some time prior to this audition. I will just be talking about dance bec sch was just too boring with the usual stuff: projects, exams, and projects again.

I would say that I was really trying hard to get out of my comfort zone? First, taking up a workshop for arts fest (which I already mentioned in the previous posts). Then, decided to be part of the upcoming Dance Concert (happening on 8th April 2016) committe, On top of that, I wanted to be the main lead of the concert and a student choreographer. I might sound crazy but I think I should try to do more while I still can.

In the programme aka creative committee, we were responsible to come out with the storyline of the concert, plan for transitions, assign dances to different clubs, decide on titles etc etc basically most stuff before letting other committees handle them. It is not easy given that creativity doesn't come very naturally to me and people tend to have different opinions. But well, I am glad that a 99% complete storyline is out and the title of the concert is "The Music Box", in my opinion is a very very apt name for the concert.

Next, main lead. On top of being able to dance and willing to learn new kind of dance, the main lead must also be able to act. Until now, one whole week after the audition, I still can't believe that I actually signed up for it and acted in front of 5 people! I mean, since when do I act in front of people, that is so not me! And this is exactly what I was trying to achieve haha ... During the audition, they asked a question, "Why do you want to be the main lead?" And my answer was pretty obvious to me. Not because it is a prestige, but it is more like a representation that I am trying to get out of my comfort zone, trying to be someone that is not myself. or rather someone that is not how other people perceive me to be (oh right this makes sense, I just thought of this while I am typing haha). Of course, it is also because this is my last year already and I might as well try out because I might not ever have another chance. In the end tho, I didn't get the role not bec I sucked (omg surprise surprise) but more like bec they factored in my other commitment as a student choreographer, a creative committee member and the dance captain of DD. Well, I didn't expect myself to get anything in the first place anyway soooo while I was a little disappointed, it didn't affect me much ahha. After that audition tho, something seems to change. I feel like if I could do what I did in the audition, I can do anything, I have got nothing to fear! I don't know where I get this feeling from, but it feels awesome!

Student Choreographer!! Why I wanted to do this is also because of the fact that this is gonna be my last concert as a SUTDent. I want to be able to some day tell other people that "hey! I choreographed this!", sort of like a leaving a legacy behind. Just feel that I haven't done enough or anything important enough to worth reminding of my existence in SUTD. I was so worried that I wouldn't make it too but gladly I did it! Oh one breakthrough other than managed to choreo a 1min piece in a day is that, I can't keep myself quiet, I was trying so hard to feel the depression that in the second run of the audition, I actually almost teared haha. Yes yes, my expression and emotion are still far from being zai but hey I guess this is a start! I really wanna dance not just for the sake of moving my body, but to dance with feeling, dance with emotion, dance as how I feel it should be!

Anyway, really thankful that Marcus was pushing us so hard. Down bounce, up bounce, isolations, executions. Emphasising on the importance of enjoying the music, enjoying the dance. And stressing us to come out with a choreo in such a short period of time, let us realise how strong our will is.

Oh another thing that I thought I wouldn't have done: I actually went for photoshoot?? 

By the way, next time give me suggestions on what should I put as the title. My titles don't make sense, at least not meaningful ones ...

絵葉書：日本——熱海と東京

熱海：The whole view of Atami from Atami Castle

熱海：A night view at Atami hot springs

東京

東京タワー

東京 Station

東京銀座

東京浅草：雷門

東京：Rainbow Bridge

東京新宿

東京新宿

東京新宿

Dance Stuff in Term 6

OMG it's Term 6 already! ><

For the lack of creativity, I will just name the title of this post as such ... (stroll to one corner squat down draw circle ..)

There were actually a few things regarding dance that happened since the term started, but because I kept procrastinating, I will just one time write everything in this post. Hope it is not gonna be too long XD

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First thing first, remember how for the past few weeks/months(?) I had been worrying about what kind of job will I get myself into after I graduate? And how I would despise myself for getting a job that I dread? Not everybody would get a perfect job for him/her, and I would probably be one of the majority. Not being passive or pessimistic here, of course it would be good if I can get my dream job, but I am just mentally preparing for the worse. 

And so I was thinking, just in case I eventually get myself into a mundane job, there is nobody who can help me other than myself. So I might as well find something that I like to do out of my working time! I took up the interest in filming and video-editing. I mean it is one of the few things that I always wanna do but I didn't get the chance to, but this time I told myself that I am doing it otherwise I won't be able to achieve anything. So I decided to ask some people whom I think would share the same passion as me in dance, and hey why not we choreo to songs and dance and make a video out of it? I don't want this to be an one-off initiative but rather something that we can continue to work on and have fun even after we graduate, because what is better than having something to look forward to in a mundane working life? For now there are only Cheuk and I. We haven't started any choreo for any songs yet even though it is already week 3 haha ... but then we are busy preparing for perf and stuff. Will get it started soooooon!

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Next, workshop.

Remember the Arts Fest workshop that I mentioned? Yup it's over! And I was glad that it turned out not bad :D The most important thing is, everybody had fun! And that's the first choreo that I did entirely by myself! So proud of myself HAHA XD

And I did mention that I took interest in videography/video-editing. When Cheuk suggested to me that "Hey, let's make a teaser video for the workshop!", I gave a direct "LET'S DO IT!". So when other clubs were using posters/pictures to publicise their workshop, we had a teaser video! :) To view the teaser video, click here.

Really had fun filming it even though we were all tired and had to wake up early in the morning. Too bad because of the haze we couldn't film outdoor. :(

Did another video for those who came for the workshop too! Without them the workshop wouldn't be a success!

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After we filmed the video for the workshop, we also filmed another video of the full dance that we were gonna use for the workshop. I was thinking, since we are gonna video the dance anyway, why not make it look nicer and make it look like a dance video? And hence, the video.

This is the first time I have uploaded a dance video on YouTube. As someone who just started dancing not long ago, I wish one day I can be just as good as every other dancer out there who enjoys dancing.

This is the first song that I attempted to choreograph to and it was meant for a dance workshop in my school. We were thinking that since we are going to film the whole part that I choreographed to, why not make it like a dance video? And hence this video. It is a very simple choreography, but I enjoyed choreographing it. I hope those who are watching this video would enjoy it as much as I do too! Do comment and give feedback so that my friend and I can improve and continue to grow :)

^ is the description that I put under the video. I didn't share it on facebook at first because I just felt weird about sharing it. But then, CK encouraged me to do so and BAM! that's the first time I ever get so many likes on facebook haha!

A lot of my friends said Good Job Damn Good etc etc. I know it is nothing, and it is not so good that it deserves compliments. But then again, perhaps the compliments are not entirely for the dance itself, but also for the courage of sharing it :) In any case, the supports that I get from them really push me to do better! Really wanna thanks everybody who gave the support :)

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Marcus finally took over Mel as our resident instructor for the next 6-9 months! For the first time in so long, I felt that no matter how tired or sian I was before the dance session, I would always be able to enjoy and have fun during the session. Marcus is just too inspiring and fun to work with. I have the confident that Marcus is able to push DDz to a greater height! Just the second session with him, I could already see that most of us were able to let go a lot more and become less restrictive when we dance, enjoy dance and have fun! Of course there is still hell lots for us to learn and improve, but this is a great beginning! :) Jiayou DDz!

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Ok, I guess that's all about dance for now. Before I end this post I just wanna say that, I am trying to change myself for the past few weeks, in terms of being willing to try new things and "just do it". I feel that I hadn't been living my life to the fullest (even though I know about it but I just wasn't trying hard enough) and have been missing out quite a bit.

Ok, see ya next time :)

My grey cap came back from Japan safe and sound!

3-11.9.15

My grey cap travelled to Japan for 8 days and it is back safe and sound!! Hahaha ok I went (so did my cap). Was trying to do this traveller thingy where I keep my cap in every single photo that I took when I was in Japan but I guess it didn't work out as what I expected. Not that easy heh. And my selfie skill sucks. My photography skill sucks too...

Anyway, initially I wanted to write about the Japan trip, but then I think I will just learn from my friend: instead of blogging, what about "plogging" (photo-blogging XD). Sooo, just take a look at my pictures on facebook and you will understand more about my trip in Japan :)

There is still something that I wanna say here though: about the cleanliness. I used to hear about how clean Singapore is blah blah blah, but as compared to Japan, Singapore is actually rather dirty! You can't really find dustbins in Japan, but when you do, you would see that the dustbins are divided into combustibles and the recyclables. AND, the people actually have the conscience of not littering even though dustbins are hard to come across. So the streets are fucking clean and I love it! Oh and the toilets are fucking clean too! Be it public or private!

Just a summary of what I experienced in Japan:

東京's city and shopping malls

長谷's small town and the train tracks right outside your front gate

熱海's onsen and sashimi and ひもの (dried fish)

hmmmm I guess that was all? There was this one place that we didn't manage to go: 河口湖 (I think this is the name, not too sure). It was the nearest we would get to Mt. Fuji buttttt typhoon had to strike around that period of time so the trip was cancelled (couldn't do anything there because of the rain, and couldn't see the Mt. Fuji also because of the rain.. F**k typhoon).

As fun as it was, it wasn't the type of travelling that I imagined, too chill for me hahaha. Will definitely go back to Japan with my closer group of friends :)

Science & Arts

Was talking to Pris about what had been troubling me for the past few days and it allowed me to "kinda" understand myself a little bit more.

I kept saying that I do not know what I love to do (Oh and both Pris and Joaquin were saying that just have to keep trying out new things lor) but after talking to Pris I realised things that I like to do (or rather want to be involved in) are somehow more towards the arts side such as dance, music, acting (yes I really thought of acting even though I can't), writing, drawing etc etc, instead of related to science even though I am a science stream student. Why am I in an engineering school learning things that are more towards science (ok as an afterthought it is not entirely true, engineering kinda involves everything from drawing to science to humanities)? Prolly because when we were in sec school or JC, there were always only two ways to choose from: science or humanities. And I hate humanities.

Pris asked me what was the motivation for me to like drawing and stuff that are more towards the arts side? Hmmm I am not sure if I mentioned this before, but does anyone know that my prime reason for joining dance other than it is fun is because I wanna express myself more (even though it doesn't seem to work well yet)? Same for having an interest in acting (but I haven't acted in anything yet because I have got no balls), I thought I would be able to express myself more. So I guess arts allow me to find myself, express myself more, that's why I like it. There is no definite right or wrong, it is all up to the person doing it, unlike science. Arts is so exciting. And prolly another reason is because, the more it is the opposite of what my personality is, the more I am attracted to it? It's like a psychological thing, I want to be something that is totally opposite of how I am.

Would I be involved in a job that is more towards the arts side after I graduate? It will be a lot more interesting and exciting and fun as compared to all the pure engineering job. Oh about this, Pris has the same idea as me: even if the job that I have in the future isn't one that allows me to look forward to everyday, at least I would want to get some satisfaction out of it. Please let me find out what I love to do (I am such impatient person :/).

Oh on a happier note, today (28.8) was the last day of work at Ippudo!! YAYYYY!!

Sorry my train of thought is jumping everywhere again (look at the amount of parenthesis that I was using!). Looking forward to the Japan trip!

Padlocks of the Inner World

Recently I got rather emotional to the point where I was going to vomit blood (not literally but you get what I mean) because of some stupid reasons. I thought I have, and perhaps I did, come to a certain conclusion after several days thinking about it (for no good reasons) and after talking to some friends (that could give me good advice yet I rarely hang out with them ...), but somehow my mind just refuse to stop thinking about it. I see no reason to tell the whole story about what was troubling me for the past few days in this post because I really think that the reasons are rather stupid and immature with tinges of jealousy and far-fetched imagination, but I do hope that after this post my life can be back to normal. Oh yes, the conclusions are:

1. Just do it. Build up my self-confidence.

2. Find out what I truly love to do.

It all started with my second encounter with the American students ... and a certain video by someone from the US. Why was I affected by these two different experience was, I guess, mainly because they are about my age and they are Asians (except that they are raised in the West), yet they are so different from us. My first encounter with the Americans was about 6 to 7 years ago when Annelise, Nora and Meilan came to Singapore to watch YOG and I happened to be one of their hosts. Well I guess they won't remember me anymore since we haven't been keeping in touch. It was so long ago, I was only 16 and it wasn't the age for me to be thinking about such complicated stuff like the different behaviours of Asians and Westerners. That's why I wasn't affected at all by the first encounter.

So yea, whatever happened due to these two groups of people made me reflect upon my life. Why do I have to be so afraid of doing things? Why can't I "just do it"? Why can't I just smile and talk to people whom I do not know instead of always acting cool (I am not even cool!) and giving them my resting bitch face? I would have missed a lot more in life if I am afraid to do things just because of this unnecessary fear of being judged, of being laughed at, or even self-consciousness! 

We are always told that we have to learn to say "No!", but I feel that sometimes we should also learn to say "Yes!".

I have this picture in my mind. My inner world is made up of different layers, with the most important / private stuff in the centre of the circular layers of walls. Each wall has one or more padlocks, while the keys are in the hands of the people around me (or could be things that happen around me)  and even in my own hands. Some padlocks have to be opened by the people around me, some have to be opened by myself, and some perhaps even required either or both. Those that are required to be opened by external parties are padlocks that represent things like ... being accepted as a friend by others, being given a chance to do something, etc. While those that require myself to unlock it are things such as taking the initiative to talk to people, getting our of my own comfort zone to do things, etc. The me right now, feels rather suffocated because of all the padlocks that I have yet to unlock by myself.

Oh well, 22 years living in the countries where being curious, being outspoken, being daring to try just isn't the general norm, I can't help but to succumb to the general Asian personality because the society is like that. I started to feel a little bit suffocated. But! I want to make a change! I want to change how I normally deal with things that happen around me, because doing so makes me feel like I could release the padlocks that have been restricting me, because it makes me feel more like myself. And also, because I think it might help me in gaining my own self-confidence. Well I guess it is cyclical: you need confidence to just do it and the more you just do it you will gain confidence ... ok nvm ..

Then, about finding what I love to do. There are people out there who can find things that they loveeeee to do and whatever that they are doing is their job. Kill two birds with one stone, isn't it? Working part time at where I am currently working at (F&B industry) makes me realise that this is not the kind of life or job that I want. I don't want to dread waking up every day to drag my feet to work. It makes me feel that life is so meaningless! Because all I do is wake up and work and going back to sleep and the cycle repeat. I don't even feel anything to it, not excitement, not interest, literally like a zombie. I want a job that I will look forward to every single day, one that I can't wait for the next day to come faster, one that I won't mind sacrificing my sleep for. Like someone said "When your work is something that you love to do, it is not work anymore." Perhaps nothing is so ideal and even if it is, there are only a handful of really lucky people who actually get it. Even if I am not the 1% of the people who get the job that they love, I would still want to be one that do not dread the job I am in. That's why I have to find out what I truly love to do! So that I can get a step closer to my dream job. Oh and it will be good if I can work together with my friends (good friends would be a bonus), but if I can't, at least I can work with people who have the same passion and similar to me. You know, sometimes work will become a lot more interesting, fun and exciting when you are working with this type of people. I guess I won't mind if the job that I love has got nothing to do with what I am studying right now. So uhm in order to find out what I love to do, I have to "just do it", give everything a try.

Anyway, I find that Western and Asian cultures are really different. And upon reflecting on it, I suddenly feel that I am a little bit suffocated in Singapore, not just because of the hectic life here where people are just rushing from places to places (hence losing the warmth and interaction with other people), but also because of the highrise buildings here. I want to leave this place, I want to go to the US for sometime to experience the kind of life or culture there (US because the Westerners that I interacted with are from the US). The life there probably won't be as ideal as I imagine, but I would still want to experience it myself. (Disclaimer: I am not blaming Singapore or saying anything bad about Singapore, Singapore is awesome, but I am just thinking that I should take a chance to leave this place and explore the world more) 

 I was thinking of taking part in the Winter IAP this coming January to MIT for about three weeks, but upon knowing the amount of money that I have to spend, holy m***** f***** I am speechless. This holiday trip to Japan cost me about SGD 2k including accommodation and air tickets, and I already have to work my ass off and borrow money from my sis. Imagine a number that is more than 4 times of this amount. I don't even think that it is possible for me to go. Why is it so expensive T^T Anyway, I do feel that in the future I might find a way to the West, and if I like the life there I might just stay there.

ps: For Mandarin, I love the Taiwanese accent, and for English, I realised I love the American accent! 

Life?

Happened to find this on my Facebook. Drew this two years ago when I was still in JC but till now it still kinda summarises my life: What is life? Going into the last year of my uni life, what's next after my graduation?