If time can flow back...

Finally, ASG3 is over. Although Singapore Badminton has clinched the bronze, my experience wasn't entirely a pleasant one. I have spent most of the time thinking about it, and I really hope that time can flow back, just for once.

Let the time flow way way back to my primary school days. I could have chosen to go for the selection.

Let the time flow way way back to my secondary school days. I could have chosen to not listen to my coach.

Let the time flow way way back to the time when I had not made up my mind. I could have chosen to pursue my dream.

I wonder why. Everything that happened in my life seemed to stop me from continuing badminton the way I wanted to, and direct me towards the, so called, brighter path - get better education.

Why? Why must academic be the better direction of life but not sports? It has been a norm since forever that parents send their children overseas to further their studies, but since when has any parent sent their children overseas for better training in sports?

What happened just days before the selection + my primary school tuition teacher's advice ("you think you want to carry badminton racket for your whole life?") + my private coach's advice ("there is only one champion in sports arena while there can be a lot of top students in studies") + my state coach foolish act of keeping the letters + "timely" announcement of me getting the scholarship to study in Singapore just right after I got the champ of circuit 2008, all seemed to pave me a path to better education, though its direction was directly opposite of where my dream was.

This is just like a Chinese Proverb: “塞翁失馬，焉知非福。” and a quote from ツバサ・クロニクル: "There is no such thing as coincidence, only inevitability." Perhaps the fate knows that I could live a better life by going on this well-paved path......

Or... It could also be that I had failed to make it through all these small obstacles that test my determination. This is so paradoxical, the Cheng Yuen who showed strong determination on the court failed to use the same determination to pursue his dream, leaving himself now regret over his foolish decision.

True, going for the selection when I was 12 won't guarantee that I would become one of them, nor would joining them when I was 15 guarantee that I would become stronger and better, but 0.0001% of a chance is still a chance, nothing is absolutely impossible. Life is short and life for pursuing a dream in sports arena is even much shorter, so why did I not give it a try? emang goblok!!

...

Sigh.. Now the time has passed on and it won't go back just because of my regret and ranting.. I could find an alternative just to fulfill my half-shattered dream, like joining Singapore's National Team (if I can..) after A-levels? I can play for a few more years before I decide to go university (if I still want to study..).. I still don't know what am I going to do or what am I going to study after A-levels anyway.. Just an idea.